So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
