I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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