I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
