Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
