Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
