i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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