i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
