I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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