it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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