i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
then he tried to convert me to islam
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
