Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
