Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
