i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
