No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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