You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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