Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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