Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
