My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
