I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
