I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
