so explain again why im purple
no
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
