How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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