Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
