Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
