She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
