Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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