3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
