somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
