found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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