new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
tell me about the fingering
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