im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
