Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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