I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
