wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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