I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
