I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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