i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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