it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
