I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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