I wanna bring you to show and tell
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just made my gag reflex go away.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
