just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
