FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
