yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
