goodnight i made you a song goodbye
this beer tastes like vomit already
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
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