dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
