maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
