This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
