Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
