will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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