apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
