I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
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