I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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