I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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