The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
